Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Report from Ice Planet Michigan

Perhaps it is the cabin fever speaking here, but I have been a bit annoyed by all these yetis, doing their yeti things.

I went searching for my car again, which the night before was skillfuly hidden within 4 feet of frozen snow and ice.

Tonight, like the night before, I found it buried... or rather I did not find it buried, but did find it once I unburied it.

Cleaning it off again was refreshingly counter-productive - what with the yetis and all; By the time I cleared off the entire thing, the front half was covered again by yeti magic.

So, I started over, this time keeping one eye on the car, one eye on the snow-covered yeti-bushes, and the rest of them on the nearby roads;

By this point, I too, was covered, and looking dangerously similar to a "snow bank" - which people around here like to hunt for sport with their angry-bumpered SUV-mobiles, swerving back and forth in random fashion, in order to catch the unfortunate snows off guard.

In my head, I could just see myself smashed to a pulp and hanging over a Michigonian mantle, its owner scratching his ice-planet helmet-hair with a wire hanger... letting people poke at my stuffed rump with a corndog for a used hockey puck and a can of chew (twice that amount if they bear the flannel of an enemy tribe).

"I bagged this oon at aboot two o cloock", he would say "he were mating with a femeel snow bank whoon I seens im in my windshield..."

"No... I do not want to end up in that sort of mess" I said to myself "...again", looking left then right, and right again.

It was then that I noticed my car was once-again covered.

... Tomorrow, I buy a gun.

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